Disclaimer: All characters and events in this piece, even those who are famous celebrities are a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental ( and a little bit intended :D). The images and graphics of famous people actually belong to famous people, though we have just copy pasted them for the sake of humour and to create some interest in this piece otherwise you were going to skip it in 2 mins anyway.
Let us begin with a typical 90s Romantic SRK movie setting:
- A very overconfident handsome guy who is good at everything: Check
- An insecure under confident good looking but poorly dressed girl who has a crush on our Hero: Check (all SRK movies with Love triangles: check)
- A very beautiful chick who is the Love interest of our Hero: Check
- A College/office setting where people get paid to chit-chat, gossip and create drama: Check
- First meeting : Check
- Guy falls for Girl (Love at first sight): Check
- Guy teasing/flirting/stalking girl: Check
- Finally Girl realises OUR guy is amazing: Check
- Lots of Funny love songs that crop in every five minutes: Check
No this is not going to be a plot of a movie post. ( Although if you want one like that, please tell me in the comments below.) This is actually a serious post.
Romantic movies, have convinced us exactly how a beautiful relationship should look like.The butterflies in stomach, weakening of the knees, the dumb speech loss, and the violins in the background, all is a movie-induced effect.
When you meet someone you like, it automatically happens to you. Your partner has to be the white knight, saving the day and the damsel in distress. And he has to look ridiculously handsome doing that. But that’s just unrealistic expectation !!
And we know what happens to unrealistic expectations, they are a huge tower of Lego blocks, waiting to crash on the slightest sign of distress.
To top it all, there are ideas like “Do not settle” that are all the rage these days, that make us more confused as ever. I do not advocate Settling at all. But having said that, it is very important to set feasible expectations, instead of chasing fantasies.
Trust me, being single in your late-20s is crazy. Specially if you’re in India and trying your hands on an Arranged Marriage, this is what it looks like:
Ashish was on a matrimonial site searching for his perfect trophy wife. His checklist: Beautiful, Funny, social, working independent female, doesn’t drink, doesn’t party etc. He hit a match and met the first girl. She was independent, funny and everything, but wasn’t as pretty. He rejected her. A few days later, he met another girl, she worked at a major corporate firm, was very attractive, but she used to drink socially. So, he told her he wasn’t interested.
The third girl was perfect. They hit it off instantly, he even met her twice. At their third meeting, he said “You are perfect for me, Let’s get married”. The girl said “Sorry Ashish, but I am waiting for my perfect partner.”
Perfect irony right ?
All the time, the prospective partner is not handsome enough, rich enough, intelligent enough, interesting enough, ambitious enough, funny enough and so on.
While some of these things might be imperative for his checklist, and could be the deal-breaker, the other traits just complicate our lives more than simplifying it. Consequently, many, brilliant nice people pass on some real good people in the wait of finding that perfect ever guy/girl. Going by the trivial criterias(ones I call background noise: mostly superficial traits) people reject prospects: not even bothering to find a meaningful connection.
On the contrary, it is supposed to be about the vibe, the perception, the depth, the compatibility, respect, trust, and love.
As the Buddhists say, “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s NOT the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate,’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”
Didn’t expect that? Guess, that’s what the movies left out. (I used to feel SRK should know this)
Probably in the latter half of SRK’s career, he finally got the hang of it ( Dear Zindagi, anyone?). One point That movie conveys beautifully, is that we cannot expect our love interest to bear the burden of all Perfect relationships. Meaning, your significant other cannot be your Best Friend and Best Movie Partner and Best Shopping Partner and Best Coffee Date and Best Drinking Buddy etc. Having common interests and loving them together is a great plus, but it is also too much of a demand. They may or may not be able to do all that. So, let’s split our demands with different friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues and make this a tad bit easier for our relationship.
It all comes down to finding that person who complements you, understands you and is the right person For You; then even if he doesn’t check off all the other trivial criterias in your checklist, change the checklist, not the person. Because, while you’ll keep waiting, wanting for so much and more, the real thing might be in front of you.
Perhaps Love is not about falling in, it is about creating it. Relationships are a commitment of being consistent. It is not in a heartbeat, it’s not in a moment, it’s in the process. It’s in the little things, the promises, and the subtleties. Of course there is chaos, mess, and disagreement, but then there is love, compassion, empathy and respect. Work on the right relationship, with the right partner, and you will have the compatibility you need or more too.
Waiting for someone ? Now would be a good time to check your surroundings. Good Luck 🙂
FIN.
PS: No hard feelings SRK fans ! Peace !
What is your story? Share with me in the comments below 😀