The Problem With Compromise

by Mauli

Sakshi’s life was amazing.  She was a straight A’s student; had a very supportive family; access to great opportunities in college and career wise. She had a steady relationship with a great guy who loved her.

To people, from the outside looking in “There was this strong independent female, making it great; living a perfect life.”

Except it wasn’t.

Her relationship was beautiful at first. Then there were days, it wasn’t. On the days, it choked the life out of her. It had been many years now; and he just never seemed to hear her.

Every argument was her fault. Every mistake was her mistake.

It started out as a little compromise in the beginning, she happily did it, and then it happened again and again. “Someone has to compromise, right, why not me?” She said to herself each time. Gradually, it became a habit and then a default that Sakshi would make the adjustment.

Now, she never had a say in their decisions. And slowly she started losing her voice. So much so, that all of her opinions meant nothing. Little problems, you say?

Occasionally her values and thoughts would be dismissed offhand on the lines of “Oh, you don’t know anything anyway.”

But Varun loved her. He was there for her all the time whenever she needed. Is that always enough though?

Condescending tone, sarcastic remarks; no respect; no trust were usual routine for her. So she asked him “How can all such disrespect, no value and too much love exist in the same relationship?”

And like always she got the same reply “This is who I am; this is how it is; this is what you chose. Now it’s up to you to live with it. Make your choice.”

She didn’t know how to get through to him or make him hear her problem. Also, to her, there was no way out anyway. In her mind, being treated like that was easier and better than living alone. Sure, there were arguments but there were good days too.” To her, the comparison was fairly easy.

There were a few Sorry(s) from Varun along the way, but then there was another fight and another, and no solution from his end.

The consequence? She became a person who was constantly insecure; too dependent; constantly looking over her shoulder and had too little self esteem. With no control over her decisions and zero courage to walk out; she lived each day in contempt; self-hatred, and misery.

After a party one day, Varun told her how “ Nina was such an incredible woman; independent and strong and has got it all so put together.” Sakshi didn’t utter a word.

An year later Varun left her saying she was not who he fell in love with. “You have no personality Sakshi, you have made a total mess of yourself, you’re not even confident, funny or smart and it is just so embarrassing. It’s not the same, we have lost our spark.”

Sakshi was devastated. But what could she say, she actually believed it. It was all her fault.


Author’s Note: Cheating, physical abuse and infidelity are not the only red flags in the relationship. Verbal abuse is a huge red flag and takes a lot more out of you than all the other things combined. If someone constantly keeps telling you are a fool and you cannot do it. You will eventually start believing them. Why?

Your belief system revolves around that person, you love that person more than you respect yourself and so if he says that, it must be true, right? Wrong.

So many people fall prey to verbal abuse and lose themselves in the process. It may not seem like a big compromise at the time, but taking your voice away in a relationship is the worst thing to do to yourself. No guy/girl who truly respects you will let that happen to you. Look for the Right Partner. Respect is supposed to be the anchor in your relationship, and love is not supposed to tie you down. Relationships are FOR the two of you.

Read the signs. Trust, but just enough. Depend but just enough. Give but not everything. Some compromises are not just worth it sometimes. If your gut feeling tells you something is wrong, it probably is. When ego plays a bigger role than love in relationships, learn to walk away. Someone has to !!


What are your thoughts on compromise? Share with us in the comments below.

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1 comment

Anju chandna March 18, 2019 - 9:50 pm

Good one .


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